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The 7 Common Myths of Divorce
from: Howard IkenCopyright 2006 The Divorce Center P.A.
1. One lawyer is a good as another. There is a tremendous
difference between lawyers. Some are down to earth and some are
distant and hostile. Some call you back the same day and others
wait 5 days to call you. There are attorneys that only practice
in divorce and marital law. Others are like a jack of all trades
- they practice in divorce, criminal law, bankruptcy, etc. But
remember the old saying - "Jack of all trades, master of none."
Look for a lawyer that has adequate skills for your situation.
More important: look for a lawyer that matches your values and
has the ability to communicate well with you.
2. The mother always gets the kids. Not true anymore. Florida
law now treats men and women alike when it comes to custody
decisions. Many states are similar. Gender bias is slowly
disappearing from marital law. Does this mean men get custody as
often as women? You already know the answer to that - women
still appear to get custody more often than men. But men should
take heart because the law is now more of a level playing field
for custody battles.
3. Divorce through an attorney is completely unaffordable.
Divorce will always be an expensive process. But there are more
alternatives than ever. There are do-it-yourself forms you can
use to get your divorce done. And there are attorneys that offer
partial representation. This can take the form of paperwork
preparation or one-time consultation. Many states embrace a new
concept called "unbundled services." This concept entails
providing complete representation or individual phases of
representation. Some attorneys will provide representation for
one form, or one hearing. The benefit: you can get the exact
level of help that matches your financial capability.
4. My children will be screwed up permanently. Not only is this
not necessarily true, but the answer will depend on you and your
spouse. Both of you must guide the children through this process
with a problem solving approach. There are many books available
that may help guide you and your children through the divorce
process. There are many family therapists that can also help.
But there is no substitute for caring, involved parents. Never
use the children as pawns. And don't try to destroy your soon to
be ex-spouse. The children will always have a need for both of
their parents. Divorce will not change that fact.
5. This is easy and I can do it completely myself. Partially
true but BEWARE! Divorce can be complex or it can be simple.
Your best bet is to start off with a legal consultation. A good
lawyer will make you aware of the major pitfalls without pushing
you into immediately paying for more. In 30 minutes, you will be
more able to calculate the risks and rewards of doing it
yourself. If you decided to pursue this route there are many
different options. A paralegal service can do your initial
paperwork for a couple of hundred dollars. Some attorneys will
do initial paperwork for 400 to 500 dollars. And there are many
self help books available online and in bookstores.
6. If my spouse doesn't pay child support, he/she won't be
allowed to see the kids. Not true. Florida law is very specific
about this. Visitation with the kids will go on whether or not
child support is paid. Many states have similar laws. You cannot
and should not condition visitation on the payment of child
support. Remember, child support will always be separately
enforceable at a later time. Visitation is beneficial to the
children right now. It can never truly be made up if visitation
is denied for a long period of time.
7. My name is on the deed or title, so it is mine. Not true. A
judge can change that with a stroke of the pen. Property
distribution goes according to Florida law, not by whose name is
on the title. Some states assume all property owned by either
spouse is automatically marital property. This is an area that
is best discussed with an attorney located in your state.
About the author:
Howard Iken is a divorce attorney located in the Tampa Bay area
of Florida. You can view common steps in a divorce by visiting
http://www.18884mydivorce.com/pub/Divorce/divorceflowchart.htm
Property issues in a divorce are explained at
http://www.18884mydivorce.com/pub/Property/equitable-distribution
-map.htm . Or you can contact Attorney Howard Iken at
1-888-4MyDivorce.
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